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Funniest Guitar Jokes
Posted by: admin ()
Date: February 08, 2017 05:20AM

Q. How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
A. Nobody knows.

The fact that there’s a Highway To Hell but only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

Q. What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. How do you figure out who the guitar player is at a party?
A. He’ll tell you.

Two guys were walking down the street. One was destitute. The other was a guitar player, too.

Q. Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
A. So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q. How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist?
A. He’ll tell you

Q. Why do lead guitarists walk around the stage when they play?
A. To get away from the sound

Q. What is the difference between a savings bond and a guitarist?
A. Eventually a savings bond will mature and earn money.

Q. How many guitarists does it take to play Stairway to Heaven?
A. Apparently all of them.

Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?
A: Would you like fries with that?

Q. How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?
A. Put sheet music in front of them.

Q. What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist?
A. One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.

Q. What’s God’s favorite chord?
A. Gsus.

Q. How does a guitarist greet another guitarist?
A. “I’m better than you”

Q: What's the difference between a Electric Guitar and an Acoustic Guitar?
A: The Electric Guitar burns longer.

If you took all the Electric Guitar Players in the world and laid them end-to-end, it would be a heck of a good idea.

Q: How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What do you call in “in-tune electric guitar?”
A: An oxymoron.

“Mommy, Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!”
“Now Johnny, you can’t do both!”

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a lawnmower?
A: Unemployed.

Q: Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
A: Neither have I.

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None…they just steal someone else’s light.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one– but he’ll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

Q: What’s black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.

Q: How do you make a guitar player’s car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.

Q: What does a Heavy Metal Musician use for birth control?
A: His personality.

Q: What do you throw to save a drowning guitarist?
A: Pro-Tools.

Q: Whats one way to paralyze a guitarist?
A: Tell him the red light is on.

Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: A guitar player with a business card.

Q: What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?
A: Big Mac and large fries please!

Q: How long does a guitar stay in tune?
A: About twenty minutes, or until someone plays it.

Q: Why was the amplifier invented?
A: So the guitarist would have a place to put his beer.

Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Jazz musicians can’t afford light bulbs.

Q: What did the blues guitarist’s tombstone read?
A: “I didn’t wake up this morning.”

Q: What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

Q: Why do guitarists have to be awake by six o’clock?
A: Because most stores close by seven.

Q: How do you make a guitarist’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: What’s worse than telling jokes about guitarists?
A: Laughing at them.

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